Liquid Diet

Before Deb and I started the liquid diet I asked how she felt about it.  She told me

"I feel relieved and sick of food. I feel tired, crabby, and just ready to get it over with. I'm terrified of the exercise. My body already aches thinking about it. I'm scared that I'm going to get sick, be sick, or just hate the liquid diet so much. I'm sick and tired of trying to convince people that this is a good thing and that I or rather WE can do this.  No one believes it.  They are happy and say congrats, but I can hear it in their voices and no one truly believes you.  I don't want to have to eat ever again. Sometimes I Just want to sleep for a long time. I also get depressed lately. It's really like losing a close friend. That's the emotional side taking over.  It's going to be very hard.  I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do this"

I can't agree more with the things Deb has said here. It seems that fear is the number one feeling I had prior to the liquid diet. I had such anxiety about it that I couldn't sleep the day before.  However, we are now day 4 into this.  We have exercised every night. I walked everywhere I needed to go yesterday.  I felt good.  Yet, I am totally starving.  I have hunger pains so bad I want to vomit.  On the emotional side of things, I feel like I lost a part of myself.  I never truly saw how important food was to me until it was no longer with me.  I'm nervous, scared, depressed, and a bit out of it.  I'm burping up my vitamin right now. Flinstone vitamins don't taste so good in a burp.  My head has been pounding for 4 days straight.  We are only allowed Tylenol.  That numbs the pain for an hour or so and it returns right back.  Somedays I say I want this and I can do this. Other moments I say, "No, I'll just be the fat girl forever."  I have set my final goal today. I want to lose 150 pounds.  

On the good side, I am losing a pound a day on this liquid starvation diet.

1.6 pounds

Purple is the color for today because I lost 1.6 pounds. I realized after writing down what I eat, that I need to eat more. Yesterday:

Breakfast: 1 bowl lucky charms with milk

Lunch: 1 bowl frosted flakes with milk

Dinner: 2 pcs of quesadilla and 6 chicken wings

Snack: 1/2 root bear

So I don't think that's enough food for my body to lose weight.  Today I'm going to try and do better, even though I've had a 20oz bottle of Pepsi and I have a can of coke here. Soda is never my weakness, but with GERD, oddly enough my stomach wants it from time to time. I can give up tomorrow, but today it's a needed thing.  My stomach questioned the chicken wings at 4 am and was not a happy camper.

So Deb has 3 stickers now from WW. I have major sticker envy.  We did realize that everytime we go we gain or lose at least .2 pounds. It is as if their scales are programmed to always fall at .2.  I find that odd.  

This LapBand eating is going to be a challenge. I'm worried about the liquid phase. However, I would like to lose 15 pounds before Florida LOL ahh to dream.

4 Ounces

Yesterday I found out that in  a week I lost four ounces. What exactly is four ounces. Well it's half a glass of milk. One of those small milk carton's from school, but it's not much.  Deb, somehow in her wisdom gained 4 pounds back she lost last week. So they gave her a 5 pound sticker last week and this week she technically had to give her sticker back. Stupid stickers. I never get one. I told her when we get the band, to find ways to reward ourselves. Stickers might work. It worked for my 3 year old niece when she was potty training.  So the scales are still not in sync. My scale at home says one thing and the WW scale says another.  Either way they are all liars.  I hate scales. We were able to cancel our WW monthly pass because we did our six months of service.  That saves another $80 a month!  

So we are weeks away from the final approval. 

The Journey Continues

I gained 1.8 pounds.

So this week Deb got her third 5 pound sticker at Weight Watchers, while I am 1.8 pounds heavier then the day I started. Yet, my pants are being held up by my hips. Tell me why? It doesn't make sense. Why does the scale continue to lie. The day I see under 300 pounds it'll be a miracle. It shall happen, I know it.  Someday the moment of truth will happen and the scale will tell the truth.  Although, I go by 3 scales.. they are al Liars.. I tell you... Liars.

Tonight we watched the fatties on T.V. again. I call it that because it makes me feel better. I admit it, I'm shallow.  The show is great and the patients are so interesting. One woman replaced her food addiction with a purse addiction.  Intriguing.  I have yet to decide what addiction I'll take on after I give up the one to food. I know I must give up my food therapy, perhaps I'll get an addiction to exercise. It could happen..  it just could

So not much of an update in the world of Lap Band. We have 6 more weeks of this dreaded Weight Watchers, where we walk in get weighed, sign in, and say no we're not staying for your stupid hooray meeting where we can cheer about me gaining 1.8 pounds and decide as a group how come I'm not losing weight. You think it was the MnM cookie today? Perhaps it's my lack of eating, the starvation method doesn't appear to be working.  

Peace.. 

The Life Changing Journey

I figured my first blog would be to introduce myself to those who do not know me. This is a place where I can blog on the open Internet and share my story of LapBand.  I normally blog on myspace, but I wanted something separate. Something just for this journey.  I'm a 30 year old female living in Chicago with my partner. We are doing this journey together.  I will not post my weight just yet, but I know how much I need to lose.  I have started the process of insurance approval and I'm awaiting the decision.  I have also started the mental process. The process of telling my brain what I am about to do and changing my relationship with food. Food is like an addiction for me.   I think about it all the time. If I think about dieting, I imagine an ice cream sundae.  I can't say the D word in my life.  My partner is amazing. She too is 30 and has the same weight battle. Having the support system right there with me is amazing.  This week our goal is to start exercising.  It was supposed to start Jan 2, but I have been sick since Christmas Eve. and now I shared my sickness with her.  I work at a school so I'm always surrounded by germs!  Either way the journey has begun. Deb and I joined Weight Watchers in September and she's down 15 pounds and I'm down 4.  I don't follow diets well. I have tried, perhaps not well enough. OK I barley tried.  Perhaps this week I'll try harder.  

So the first post..  more to come.